As I’m sitting here staring at the title and really not wanting to write anything at all – feeling uninspired, lazy, crummy, emotionally exhausted – I realize “shit, this is me right now.” So I’ll describe that, I guess.

My shoulders feel like someone unhinged my neck and poured cement into my spine – yet I don’t want to put in the effort to roll on tennis balls to loosen them up. My body is telling me it wants to go running, but my brain is telling me to crawl back into bed because getting up at 5:30 on a Sunday is a crazy people project. The intense crying jag last night is done but I’m emotionally hungover. Taking one step forward right now feels totally overwhelming.

So what’s necessary right now?

Doing the thing I said I would.

Last night I opened this window and popped the title in to remind me of the idea I had yesterday. I gave myself a pass on writing last night. Thoroughly reasonable, considering.  But this morning I have no more free passes.

One way to think about this is by differentiating between your past, present, and future selves. I take care of past and future Veronica better than I do present Veronica, sometimes – but I also notice that when I’m conscious of the other two, present Veronica can muster the energy to do the thing.

So this morning I’m taking care of past Veronica. She asked me to take this work from her so she could grieve.

I made that deal, and I show up for her.

 

I also have to take care of future Veronica. That’s why I cleaned my kitchen while I was waiting for my coffee. That’s why I’m going to get a few miles in this morning before I dig into copy editing at my favorite cafe. That’s why I’m going to clear a space in my garage for a dedicated encaustic studio space.

This is a trick that Jordan Peterson lays out in 12 Rules for Life – take care of yourself as if you’re someone else. There have been studies showing that folks neglect their own care (to an incredible degree!), but when they’re given the responsibility for the care of another, they’re all over it. I’m probably remembering the stats incorrectly, but it was something like this: we’ve got about a 30% chance of compliance if we’re told to take a pill daily to stave off some life-threatening condition. If we’re supposed to give the pill to someone else to keep them healthy, though? Shoots up past 80% compliance.

I’d assume this is because that lovely socially useful emotion guilt pops its ugly/helpful head in to remind us of our ‘shoulds.’ When it’s our own care, we’re not guilty. Someone else, though? MAJOR problem. So we do the thing.

Insert past and future selves. Who is future Veronica? Well, I don’t know – I haven’t met her yet! That said, by default I care about her. I’d like her to have an easy time of it. Same for past Veronica, but I’ve met her. Lately I know for a fact that she needs some help.  Who’s going to help her?

Your present self is the only help available.

So here we are. Taking care of past and future Veronica because one was too broken to do this last night, and the other is a wild card lately – but the one true thing about her is that she doesn’t need more tasks piling up.

Now I’m off to write that little post I set out to write 🙂

I have the best neighbor.

For a couple years now, when she’s out mowing her lawn, about half the time she mows my front lawn too. She knows I’m half crazy (well, she knows about half of my crazy, more like) – working a ton, raising a kid, doing all manner of nutty projects – and I appreciate her more than I can say. I show her by pulling her weeds occasionally and giving her plants 🙂

Lately I’ve been exceptionally good at growing weeds, and my front yard is a constant battle. Today they’re about to go to seed, too. Add more pressure and some guilt about spreading those horrible plants throughout the neighborhood (yes, cat’s ear is terrible – it intentionally kills the grass around it because it’s a greedy jerk).

So today I’m in this major funk. All week I just RUN to get everything done (working 4 ten hour shifts with a kiddo morning and evening), and today I plan in time to slow down and surprise! Everything I’ve been running from all week catches me.

Enter massive avoidance.

I did some things to move me forward on creative projects, but mostly I hung out with my kiddo today. I also let him play computer games while I took a nap. Took him to a park, played some monopoly, took him to his swim lesson, went grocery shopping.

And all day I just wanted to climb back in bed and ignore the world. Or find some kind of chemical way to avoid my brain. Found myself craving connection with others, alcohol, sugar, anything that would distract me from the overwhelming amount on my plate and the heavy grief on my back.

So I focus on my kid, then he goes to dad’s house.

What in all hell am I supposed to do with myself now?

Journal.

This is THE THING I assign to everyone who comes through my coaching practice. This is what I tell my friends I always do when I’m stuck. I know I’m at my happiest and most productive when I journal daily, and I know that hard tangles of things get unwound when you let them spill onto a page.

So I’m sitting there, and I write all of the above. All of the ‘I wants’ and ‘I feels’ and ‘I hates.’

“I want to run away from all of this.”

“I am completely overwhelmed.”

“I feel half helpless and I don’t want to embrace one bit of the addictive behavior that runs in my family.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

And then I identify the thing I’m feeling – a weird ball of energy that’s just uncomfortable enough to get me to react to it mostly-subconsciously, not loud enough to draw my full attention. But the journal does. It recognizes the emotional ‘itch’ inside my chest, this weird thing that wants to get out à la Alien, all clawsome and tentacular and juicy. This thing that isn’t letting me sit still, but also wants me to crawl into a cave and nest there until something like Spring wakes me up. The thing telling me to run away. The thing that wants to be numbed.

I found it.

And this is apparently how I’m avoiding alcoholism, which runs in my family. With a pen and paper.

So, because writing things down can help to cement meaning in our brains, I write several sentences about what I do when I feel this way. “Drink tea and journal.” Main lines of defense (and if you don’t know about Tension Tamer tea, GET SOME).

And then what did I do?

Mow the front lawn. And my lovely neighbor’s, too.

Energy needs out? Okay, improve your situation, Veronica. And show gratitude to someone else, too. The same thing that got me through a day working with a busted ass can get me some relief now. I’ve heard it said that fear can’t survive in a heart filled with gratitude, and I believe it to be true.

So today I found victory – in the decision to write a page instead of giving up. Or maybe I wrote a page because I had given up – I’d given up the bit of my ego that told me I could just keep going.

Victory is a decision, and the definition is your choice.

Still getting up early. Making progress. Hiding in my van and crying during the day, and picking the podcasts that are both useful and motivational. Yeah, it’s time to grieve – but it’s also time to live.

I heard something yesterday evening – something like “eagle eyes, mouse feet.” Keep your eyes on the goals and adjust as necessary, but keep taking tiny steps forward. And that’s exactly it – one teeny thing at a time.

Today it was flow charts. I’ve been looking at different formats for communicating the info I’ll present in my videos in PDF form, and what I initially came up with was a long, ridiculously boring list.

And Oh Happy Plants doesn’t do boring.

I knew I needed something more fun – informative but interactive, kind of, despite being a printable guide. So this morning I went looking for easy ways to make flow charts – then this afternoon I made a note to myself that this is one of the tasks that will be easy to farm out to a VA, and eventually an employee. Sure, it’ll take my expertise to scribble down the exact things that need to be on the chart, but do I need to be building every flow chart? Big ol’ NOPE.

Here’s another key step in building a business: as a ‘solo-preneur,’ you’re starting things by yourself and will be doing them solo for a while, most likely. This is a great place to be – mobile in your decision-making, very hands-on, and you can build the business exactly the way you want it.

Keep in mind that unless you want to be shackled to your business, consumed by it, you need to build processes that can be handed to others. Sometimes you’re going to have an end product that requires you as a part of it (coaching, painting, etc). That doesn’t matter. What things does a coach or painter do that can be handed off?

• Billing
• Cultivating an email list
• Website work
• Copywriting (sometimes)
• Taxes

That’s a VERY partial list. You’ve got a ton of admin stuff that’s completely unnecessary for you to do. If you’re a coach with a base rate of $300/hr, ask yourself this: would you pay a mediocre CPA $300/hr to do your taxes? Would you pay a mediocre tech support person $300/hr to mess with your website?

HELL NO.

Today’s mission, should you choose to accept: Go through your business and list out all of the tasks you do more than once. For me, this ranges from creating documents based on a common design/theme to taxes to video editing (another thing on my list for a VA!).

The next part of this is your hokey-coachy mindset nonsense, but I’m really serious about this: Get your brain on straight. Are you intentionally avoiding putting any task on that list because you’re attached to “the way I do it” or “I just can’t trust anyone else to…”

GET OVER YOURSELF.

This sort of attitude will keep you small. It will hold you back. You will continue on this ego-filled path to martyrdom because you can’t let go of some little nonsense that keeps you away from really seeing your vision for the future.

It’s time to let go and put that thing on your list.

Next! Something to keep in mind at this point is how you’ll present this to your future VA or employee. For my charts, I’ll just give them one along with access to the program I’m using, and then send along my notes as necessary. For some things it might be necessary to do the task once and create a video screen capture of the process, with you talking the person through it as you go. For others, you may need to actively coach them in your copywriting voice – give them a ton of your stuff to go through, then edit things so they’re in your voice. Make sure to make notes about why you did the edits and exactly what you’re going for. The more work you do upfront, the larger the payoff will be.

That’s all for now; I should be asleep. Enjoy building your future freedom!

Hey, friends.

Last night my stepmom, Clare, let go of the life that we know and rejoined the things we don’t. She taught me a ferocious kind of love along the way. She showed me things about being a step parent – little gifts that I’m still finding within myself that bring me closer to my sweetie’s kiddo. She taught me perhaps the biggest lesson about accepting oneself that I’ve ever learned, and in that, allowed me to pass that gift on to my partner. And she and my dad worked together to give the five of us sisters an example of strength and grace that I don’t see very often in the world.

Last weekend she told me that her only wish is that the love she has felt in her lifetime live on through others. We all know that she’s still alive, a little with each of us.

 

In the interest of spreading this request far and wide without being intensely spammy, my dad has a mountain of medical debt to work through, and we’re asking for help. If you’d like to donate, please follow this link.

 

A piece of her spark came in the no-nonsense expectation that her loved ones do what they need to take care of themselves, without question or apology.

 

So today I did.

I got up at 5:20 – let myself sleep in a bit, because sleep came late last night. I did some outreach for my business. Then I went and cried in the shower, because recently the little tillandsia (air plant) I have in there started to grow. And recently my stepsister Carrie told me that dusty rose and sage are Clare’s favorite colors. And this morning, I noticed that this little plant is both dusty rose and sage. And is sprouting adorable little roots. And that absolutely broke me in half.

 

After my shower cry-fest, I went to work. Because sometimes self-care looks like avoidance, and sometimes it looks like putting one foot in front of the other because there’s nothing else you can do other than stay in bed all day sobbing. And sometimes it’s a combination of the two.

My day job allows me a bluetooth ear thing with a podcast or audiobook for the majority of my day, and without that I wouldn’t have made it. Except it wasn’t avoidance – it was forward movement.

Y’know that Neitzsche quote about the why and the how (often mis-attributed to Frankl, who paraphrased with “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”)? That one.

Well, add this to the stack of my “why.”

Why am I building a business?

I want to be a more present mom for Silas, to the point of world travel and some homeschooling.

I want to be a more mobile and time-rich partner for my sweetie.

I need to work for myself.

I owe the world my best self and my strengths, expressed.

And the most recent “why:”

My dad just lost his wife and I don’t want him to be alone.

Here is another instance of really hard shit that isn’t allowed to stop me. This isn’t an obstacle. It’s fuel. It’s a reason to keep going.

When the shit gets real,

we get real stubborn.

 

So today I take more tiny steps forward. Taking more photos of plants. Writing down ideas for newsletters and articles. Figuring out how to get the wrinkles out of my photo backdrop.

And today I cry. And tomorrow, and any time I need. Because life doesn’t stop for any of us, and if there’s one thing Clare taught all of us in her last month, it’s that you keep on living for as long as you’re here.

 

Do this work as if your life depends on it –

because it does.

Today’s update: it looks like she’s getting close.  I’m wrestling with the need to keep up on life and the urge to go spend time with my family, but the former won for this weekend. I’ve some pretty excessive neck pain from driving too much, and another 14 hours on the road this weekend wouldn’t be doing me any favors.

A note on being a ridiculous entrepreneur: my experience of grief has me wanting to write a book on it, because I’ve never read a book that covers how I’m feeling. I also know that my inner flighty entrepreneur wants to do all the things, so (while I’m halfway thinking about just saying ‘fuck it’ and writing up a book proposal) I’m putting this idea in my journal. The grief and the thoughts need to come out. I also don’t need any more work right now.

In other news, a new post on the Professional Catalyst blog about Market Research.

With Oh Happy Plants, my research often walks right up to me. I also get a lot of questions and the answer is sometimes “Well, I’m actually starting a business about that. Can I ask you some questions about what you need help with?”

The two main tips I have are to always be providing value to others, and to really think about human psychology as you plan out your research phases. More in the post. Enjoy!

Okay, I’ve been getting more active on the Don’t Keep Your Day Job Facebook group, and MAN are these folks loving and generous and beautiful! Realized that this little blog might be a good resource for folks over there. Will get it up there soon.

I also put some things into motion for the women’s entrepreneurial mastermind group I’m building. This is a key piece of ‘how a coach builds a business’ – GET SUPPORT. I realized that I need a support network that’s specific to business, and I can provide that support to others as well. I’m intending to meet these women about monthly and we’re all in different places with business – some of us established, some starting on an idea, some still brainstorming. 

You can do this too, even if you’re not a coach! I found a lot of these women on Bumble’s ‘friend’ feature (one or two on Vina, too). A few more I found when I put out a call on Facebook, just to my friends – women I had no idea were interested in entrepreneurship. All you have to do is ask!

When you’re ready to go, there are TONS of resources out there. You can each pick a topic and bring resources to the group. Don’t Keep Your Day Job is a fantastic podcast, as is Online Marketing Made Easy. For marketing, I’d recommend starting with the book Building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller. Also, start thinking about how you’ll market your business as you start tossing ideas around – your business idea and your marketing plan should go hand in hand. This is all part of defining your customer base – who are they, and how will you reach them?

If your group feels like you need more direction, you can also talk about hiring a coach to provide this to your mastermind. You may be looking at a moderate fee per person. If I were doing this with a group of 10 people, I’d probably charge $100/person/mo for a presentation each month and an hour-ish spent in Q&A. I’d bring them resources and pieces of  homework each time so they can continue to do the work and move forward in their own time. This would take a good, thoughtful coach who’s experienced in business to coordinate, so take your time in choosing one if you go this route. Coaches should be willing to ‘interview’ pretty thoroughly (obviously don’t be trying to get them to properly coach you for free – gotta be respectful – but if they won’t give you any resources or recommendations before you pay them, I’d move on. That behavior is built on a ‘lack’ mindset and that’s just not where we’re at!).

Also, don’t limit your search to local coaches – if you’re organized enough, you can work directly with the coach to distribute any materials/handouts, and just set up a laptop for your group so a coach can present remotely. Hell, don’t limit your group to local folks! Maybe you have three friends who are entrepreneurs – there are TONS of platforms for remote meetings. Use that tech!

Alright, off to the day job!

 

Oh – last thing – I realized that I can do a FB live in that DKYDJ group, and in the spirit of providing value while receiving value, I thought I’d share two things. #1, my alarm clock (makes a HORRIBLE noise – one of those old school ones with bells – and I set it for a while after my phone’s lovely birdsong alarm. And I put it across the room. If I don’t get my ass out of bed, it SHRIEKS at me. “How does she get up at 4:30?!?” you ask? That’s how. I fucking hate that thing.

So! I’ll be sharing that as soon as I roll out of bed, in my lobster pajama pants, zero makeup on, in a video, because I’m so goddamn scared of putting videos online that I need to rip the bandaid off and get over myself. 

Hey ego? You have nowhere to hide. Thanks for trying to protect me, but I got this. 

Got my mojo back.

Still processing grief, but I think I’ll be able to handle this. A bit nervous because the love of my life is off to a training and I’ll have very limited contact with him until the end of October, during which it looks like I’ll be working through the death of my stepmom and the surrounding things (supporting my dad, namely). I feel markedly less insane, though, and I know that I want him to be fulfilling his purpose. And I have a purpose to work toward. Well, several. But still, that makes life pretty fabulous, despite everything.

The good news: I figured out how to make my point while being entirely ridiculous in my marketing material. The entire ‘story’ behind this business is that every type of plant needs specific care. Also, I’m a complete nutter, and have to take advantage of that goofiness because it’s marketing gold. Won’t share more now, but I’ll definitely link the video when it’s done.

The less perfect news: I have to rearrange my garage studio. I was just going to say that it’s okay because once I do this it’ll be smooth sailing, but who the actual fuck am I kidding? 🙂

Gotta embrace the suck, because you can’t have the awesome without it.

From here on out I’m going to be posting a bit more regularly – I’ll have more regular time to build this thing. Because I’m putting this online now, I’ll put July all in one entry. 

 

July 1

I’ve been dashing around like a crazy woman at the day job lately, because… I get to see my partner this weekend! I’ll be flying out the morning of the 4th, coming back the evening of the 8th. It’s interesting – we’ve been together for two years but have never spent this much time on each other, and certainly not time that was completely focused on ‘us’ (rather than kiddos, projects, work, and general life nonsense). It’s going to be pretty fantastic.

I’ve got a few projects to work on, mainly copywriting and photo organization. I’ve been taking pictures of plants here and there, which apparently amounts to about a zillion photos. I’ll just be working on the flights, then doing some coaching while I’m out there.

 

July 2

Last night with munchkin before he’s off to CA to visit his step-grandparents for July! I’ve already sounded the rallying cry among my friends – with both Mr. Turbo and wee Scrum gone, and loneliness as my typical negative emotion, I’m going to need some social time. Have to somehow build this into major work on the business. Gotta catch up!

And yes, I call my son ‘scrum.’ He is basically a rugby scrum reincarnated as a child.

 

July 4

I found out last night that my stepmom’s cancer is back, and was hiding really well. Some type that doesn’t show up on scans. I don’t know much more except that I’m entirely flattened. Unsure how long she has – a few months? Maybe more with a bit of palliative treatment?

 

July 6

Feeling unsure how I can do all of this. Keep moving forward. I’m enjoying my trip, despite everything. It’s been good to be with my partner. I’ve been trying to work out how I’m going to keep up with everything and also plan lots of trips out to visit my parents (they’re about 6-7 hours away, driving, and I work 4 ten hour shifts, so I can go out Friday through Sunday but it’s a whirlwind). Day job is short staffed pretty consistently, so despite having 3 weeks of vacation time in the bank I typically can’t use it. I’m overwhelmed.

 

July 12

Wee Miss Kitten has been puking all week, and it apparently started when I was in DC but my mom didn’t want to say anything to worry me. Brought her to the vet today and they told me she’s in renal failure. They gave her subcutaneous fluids with anti-nausea meds and told me that if this clears things up over the weekend, we’ll need to continue with it to prevent dehydration (she drinks a ton, but it isn’t going into her system at all). If it doesn’t clear up, well…time to think about worse options. 

One thing to be thankful for – I grew up on a farm, so I’ll be doing this myself at home 3 times a week. Because she’s getting better, damnit.

But holy hell. Add one more thing to the pile, eh? I really don’t know how I can handle this – plus, how do I visit family with this little needy creature at home? Will be looking into professional pet sitters. Argh.  I do NOT have time for this, but I fucking love this cat, so here we go.

Some good news: I’m wrapping with one of my main coaching clients, who met all of his goals right on target. Pleased with that.

 

July 15

So. Thoroughly. Sad.

 

Trying to get through work by listening to fiction all day. Sometimes it works as a distraction, sometimes I just walk around in a funk anyway. Unsure what to do about this. “Happy” is my namesake, goddamnit.

This is reasonable, given the circumstances. Gotta breathe.

I’m trying cold showers and exercising a lot. Will be doing full-on ice baths as soon as I get my tub washed out in the backyard (cold exposure has an anxiolytic effect). Cutting coffee. Started running – sacrum is okay enough for that. No weights yet. Yoga/meditation in the mornings. Maybe I can exhaust myself enough, because I can barely fall asleep at night. I’ve got onset insomnia, then anxiety will feel me slipping into sleep and I’ll jerk awake, full of adrenaline. This is not okay.

I’ve had some free time but have been avoidant. Have done a few things toward the business, but the main thing I’ve done is set ‘no’ as my default. No, I don’t need to try to meet my deadlines right now. No, I’m not doing anything extra. No, the networking group I was attending as a coach is no longer necessary in my life. No, I won’t work overtime for the day job. And, most of all, NO, I’m not going to feel bad about any of that. Half of building a business is persistence, the other half is letting go. Usually they go hand in hand, but I’m completely in the latter phase right now.

Jesus christ I miss my kid. Two more weeks.

 

July 23

My fabulous partner is a psychologist and talked me out of a minor insomnia-induced hysteria last night. Absolute desperation. Four hours of sleep a night means I can stand upright, but that’s about it. We figured out that a piece of the issue is simple – I set my alarm when I go to bed, at which point there’s pressure for me to fall asleep because I only have so many hours before I have to be up. I’m setting it earlier in the day now, and it’s helping some. Anxiety/monkey mind still an issue. Had a drink last night for the central nervous system depressant. Need a better solution. Self-medicating with alcohol is not recommended, kids…

Also, I started actively grieving. Rather than pushing it down to get through my day, then collapsing into bed because that’s dumb and exhausting, last night I sat down to journal with a box of tissues. I’ll be doing this as much as is necessary. It has to come out.

Interestingly enough, I’m finding that everything I’ve heard about grief doesn’t really apply here. I’ve no anger or lack of acceptance – simply a desire to continue to know my stepmom, and an empathetic sadness for those who will be most affected by her death (my dad and stepsisters). And an intense sadness that she won’t be around to see her grandchildren grow up. But I don’t know what I believe as far as souls and death and all that, except that she’s so freakin’ headstrong that if she wants to see them grow up after she’s dead, I’m sure she’ll figure it out.

 

July 26

Went to my doc today. He gave me a few Xanax. It’s been weeks of this crap and I’m done. 

Remind me again how the fuck anxiety is evolutionarily useful? As Newt Scamander said, “Why suffer twice?” Get with the program, brain…

 

July 28

SLEEP! It’s a miracle!

 

Nah, the miracle is how I automatically got productive this weekend. Garage is once again ready for filming (it was a mess after my partner moved), I took a bunch of photos of one of my orchids (putting out a new bloom spike), and I wrote a lot. I also said no to quite a few things. 

Okay, time for some actual value. This ‘how a coach builds a business’ thing – how about some guidelines/rules?

1. Make a plan. Give it a timeframe that’s feasible, and take into account that you’ll have occasional slumps. If you need to, use a calendar that screams at you every day. Or put it on your bedroom wall, so it’s the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. Maybe don’t do this if it stresses you out and you get anxious about it right before sleeping 😉
2. Get fucking excited about the thing you’re chasing. Lean into this excitement, and find the bits of gratitude you can lean on when things get hard. Figure out your ‘why,’ and make it intense enough to actually get you there.
3. Look at your schedule. “I don’t have time” is bullshit. I’m a single mom, work 40 hours a week, run a successful coaching business on the side, and I’m also starting another small business. I wake up at 4:30 to work on this before I go to the day job. Get you some hot bean juice and make the time. Ten minutes a day means 60 hours a year, folks. That’s 60 hours closer to your goal. Do it.
4. Shit happens. Like, LOTS of it, apparently. Holy crap. Take the space you need and forgive yourself for a lack of progress.
5. Figure out what you need. You want to keep moving forward. You need to take care of yourself. Figure out your self-care. Sometimes that means yoga or bulk cooking so you have healthy food that energizes you. Sometimes it means Xanax. Stop judging yourself.
6. Rally the troops! You need support, and you need to learn to ask for help. Taking a walk with a friend can be fabulous. We’re social creatures – USE that to fuel yourself.
7. When you’ve got it together, rework your six month plan. Again, forgive yourself. You already decided to do this and you will. Get moving again. Write down everything you’ve done so far, things you’re in progress on, and things you still have to do. Adjust and move on.
8. You’ve got this.

I apparently didn’t know what ‘tired’ meant last month and needed to prove that to myself.

Christ. I need sleep. 

 

Alright, business update: I just remembered that last month I actually started filming. Working on the orchid video, but it doesn’t feel right. I’ll probably make some tweaks and do it again. A huge piece of this is finding how to get my enthusiasm about plants to translate through a lens, and I’m not quite there yet. 

Another piece of my resistance? I’m not comfortable on camera. I’ve never done the video thing before, and I gained fifteen pounds when I broke my ass at the beginning of the year. The last six weeks of craziness hasn’t lent itself to much cooking so I haven’t ditched the extra weight yet. Working out is starting to be an option, but my sacrum still hurts. This right here is just a brain dump, but I’m nervous about assholes on the internet. That’s the root of it.

Good rule for myself is to just not read the comments. Besides, others’ negativity isn’t about me anyway. Those of us ‘in the arena,’ so to speak, typically have nothing but encouragement for others. So I can’t waste time on caring.

Anyway, life update: Mr. Turbo is officially moved out, in DC, and I’m visiting over the weekend of the 4th. Also, I adopted his cat (Miss Kitty, a.k.a. Little Miss Horrible, a.k.a. Mrs. Needypants – all said with love, obv). She’s 16 (84 in cat years, according to my son), has been with Mr. Turbo for 14 years, is completely geriatric, slightly incontinent, screams at me in the middle of the night, sheds like a FIEND, likes to demand cuddles and then put hair in your eyelashes, and is basically the best cat ever.

So here I am trying to find the best place for a cat box in my tiny-ass house, buying another robot vacuum because I can NOT deal with cat litter sticking to my feet, covering all my furniture with washable pads and plastic, and loving up on this animal like crazy because despite everything, she is actually perfect.

Definition of insanity? Sure. I don’t care.

Anyway, I feel like it’s finally time to catch my breath. Except this weekend I have Mr. Nutcase (Mr. Turbo’s son, basically my step-munchkin), and he and my munchkin (The Scrum) are completely insane together. So here we go. A weekend of crazy, then a weekend with two days to maybe catch up on some stuff, then I head to DC for five days. 

Progress on the business (in little fits and spurts, accomplished with the help of my favorite local coffee shop): tweaked site copy and wrote some more, wrote up a bunch of potential headlines/writing prompts/email headers, then picked a few and wrote them up. Wrote up a few email intros to courses as well. Still tweaking the layout for info on the spotlight courses. It’s still WAY too serious – the point of this is goofiness, and to make plants accessible to anyone who wants to grow them. I’m no stuffy old lecturer. Still working on the goofiness injection.

Holy shit what a project! Okay, not much business progress to report. You know how you find THE THING you have to do and then the universe tests your resolve? All of a sudden you feel like you need a time machine and a teleporter and a caffeine drip, all at once?

Yep. This entire month has been that way.

At this point I can’t even remember what I did this month. I made some progress – wrote some copy for my site and ordered business cards. They’re damn cute.

Got a logo made too, with a little Pachira aquatica (money tree). Fiverr is useful for sure, but communication is…interesting.

Anyway, Mr. Turbo (my partner) isn’t quite moved out, but is coming back from DC in a few weeks to finish it up. In the meantime, I’ll be doing some work on his place and taking a bit of a break to breathe and hang out with my munchkin. 

Also, through all of this I haven’t had any feelings other than hoping it’d all work out for him with the new job, but now I’m processing a bit of weird grief. Journaled on it and figured out it was a kind of sadness that a stage of our relationship was over – the ‘he’s close but we have separate houses’ phase, maybe? I don’t know. I just know that things are changing with this move, and I’m completely excited for him and sure of us while being in this weird grief state. Add a layer of weird because I’m totally excited for the free time I’ll have to work on this business. I’m slightly discombobulated, but that’s pretty normal.

I’m also thoroughly behind on my 6 month plan. So. Onward!