Category: The emotional side of business ownership

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Time for money? Or money for time?

Okay, some massive movement last week and this week. Two shifts in my thought processes to further my break from my upbringing and the story I had in my head about money.

Unsure if I mentioned it before, but this is what I was raised with:

  • One parent who believes that if a lot of money comes to a person easily, they must have done something immoral or psychologically damaging. This is less a judgment on the person as a belief in ‘the way society works.’
  • Another parent who is unwavering in the belief that all rich people are some kind of evil and can do no good (or at least that’s what I’m hearing lately).
  • A third who worked 8 days a week, completely nonstop, to care for a family on a shoestring budget.
  • Tons of examples of entrepreneurial endeavors, but none that really took off (i.e. the belief that while working for ourselves is the thing to strive for, it’s exceptionally hard and getting a job is the easier and more lucrative path).
  • LOADS of folks who live a simple, good, happy life and are also in constant struggle with money.

So there I was, up until 4-5 years ago, using this as my ‘story’ because I hadn’t broken it down and ejected it yet.

Enter: possibility.

What’s scarier than playing a small game all your life and never stretching yourself? Doing exactly that in full awareness of the possibilities available to you. So that’s where I started – I developed my awareness of possibility.  And I kept developing it until I got to where I am today, with the full awareness of how money works (it is a completely made-up thing based on an exchange of value, and value can be created from thin air, so money can too!). I’ve also grown my awareness of different styles of business, specifically two: the time-for-money equation, and the passive income equation. Add that to a strong marketing and psychology background and I feel completely unstoppable.

So, last week’s massive shift? A fabulous coach on the Don’t Keep Your Day Job FB group asked a question that I realized I couldn’t answer. She asked ‘What’s your target income?’ (or some version; I don’t remember the exact wording).

I realized I couldn’t answer.

Numbers were popping into my head, but they just felt wrong. What would it take in gross sales to cover all business expenses, taxes, insurance, and my day job’s income? Maybe $5k a month. But that number wasn’t anything close to my target.

What would it take for me to feel amazing about my progress with OHP? Something like $20k a month. Then I’d have plenty to help out my family, not to mention donate a fabulous amount to charities each month. But that still didn’t feel right.

An income target of $20,000 per month felt like a limiting belief.

So I reworded how I was thinking of my answer as a step; not a goal. After about five days of chewing on it, I realized that what felt good was “In five years I’ll be bringing in a million a year through all of the lines of business I create, with plans for expansion.”

25 year old Veronica would NEVER have sights this high. Hell, 33 year old Veronica wouldn’t either, without all the work I’ve done on my beliefs about money.

The next big thing I sorted out was the structure of my business. I’d been thinking about offering plant consultations, but that isn’t scalable if I do it myself.

So I made this rule for myself: Unless it provides value to all of my customers, I don’t work directly with individuals.

This will allow me to provide fabulous service, give people immense value, and add that ‘personal touch’ all while serving my broader customer base. It will allow me to help folks solve their plant-related problems and really believe in their ability to grow things. And I’ll feel great about every exchange – not like I just traded time I can never get back for a couple hundred bucks.

Remember, money is renewable. Time is not.

This is how I explain it to my son: it’s smart to trade time for money, as long as you’re buying your time back. In our future, that will mean hiring someone for housekeeping and yard work. It’ll mean hiring out our grocery shopping and meal prep.

Trading time for money in the other direction, though? We avoid this.  Even if you’re making a base rate of $400/hr as a business coach. There’s a cap on that income, because no matter how hard you work, the length of the day stays the same.

My challenge to you:

How are your beliefs about ‘how things work’ holding you back?

How could you structure your business to provide IMMENSE value with less work?

 

Get after those limiting beliefs. Your life depends on it 🙂
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Workaholic

Alright. Last night I realized something that’s pretty obvious but gave me a better understanding of my mom’s side of the family.

Addiction doesn’t run in families.
Avoidant responses to trauma/hardship runs in families.

A natural response to pain is to withdraw from it – we all know that. Touch the hot stove, pull your hand back. We’ve an entire nervous system built to protect us. But did you know that emotional pain is processed on the same neural circuits as physical pain? So when you experience loss, “this hurts” is entirely accurate.

That’s the space I’m in right now – this hurts. I’m unsure if losing my stepmom is more emotionally complicated than losing a biological parent – probably not? I do know that it sucks to have such limited contact with my partner right now. I’m feeling pretty isolated, which makes me super aware of the potential for slipping into some kind of nonsense behavior. Grief isn’t necessarily a ‘bad’ feeling – it’s an opening. Typically I welcome opening up to undiscovered things, but in this case there has been no one to catch me, and I’m exceptionally tired of catching myself. Hence the avoidance.

But! Sinking into this has given me a perspective for the pain others in my family have dealt with that led to addiction. That would be a very natural path for a person to take, in this situation – which is why I’ve been so vigilant.

Yep, I’ve used Xanax to get to sleep about half the nights since getting the prescription, maybe more. Making sure to never use it during the day, even last week when I was on the edge of a panic attack for four days straight. That’s not what it’s for. Have been leaning heavily on tension tamer tea on other nights, with the occasional hard kombucha. Very, very aware of the substances I’m reaching for.

Another substance to try to hide behind is food, and my eating habits over the past week haven’t been great. Food is one of the addictions that run in my mom’s family and I’m realizing that my normal relationship with it isn’t completely unhealthy, but isn’t intentional and thoughtful either. I could go that route and gain thirty pounds right now, if I shut my eyes and stuffed my feelings. But I won’t.

The one that’s relevant here, though, is this work that I’m doing. I’m filling my time so thoroughly that I rarely slow down. I’m getting little dopamine hits from posting blogs (though this does also help me to work through things). I’m listening to podcasts about launching courses and membership sites, and planning what both will include for OHP. I’m learning software, shooting video, taking photos of plants whenever I see a pretty one (or a problem, like the spider mites I caught on camera yesterday).

I’m chasing this dream like there’s a demon after me.

Because there is.

 

So here I am – realizing that another form of my avoidant behavior is one that I’ve allowed to take over my life already. You hear about people who are ‘workaholics’ and we joke about it, but this is actually what addiction looks like, folks. All addiction is avoidant behavior – avoiding dealing with the emotional charge of a situation (past or present) in your life.

Yes, I have all of my reasons at the ready. I’m building a better life for myself and my son, partner, his kiddo, hell – even my parents, because a higher income will allow me to be there for them in ways I haven’t in the past. I need to work for myself, and the world needs this work that I’m doing. I love plants and gravitate toward small business like the butter-side of your toast and your kitchen floor. So yeah, there are reasons.

But. If I hide my emotional crap behind my reasons, they become excuses.

I’m having a really hard time differentiating between the two right now, and I’m having a hard time thinking about continuing at the pace I’ve set for myself when it might not be the best idea for my emotional state right now.

Enter Veronica-the-coach. What would she say?

DO YOUR JOURNALING, DAMNIT!

Alright. I’ll start there. Regular journaling – at least a page a day, for at least two weeks. Setting an alarm now (pro tip: never trust your memory, even if it’s good). Now, off to work.